I have no idea what happened last week, but training-wise the wheels fell off. My weekday runs were awful, so I cut them short.
My long run on Saturday, though? Took the title Worst Run Ever.
I didn’t do anything different than I usually do. I slept plenty, ate something I’ve usually had Friday night, had a PB&J sandwich in the morning and water like I usually do.
And when I started jogging to warm up, it felt like I was trying to run through quicksand.
Still, though, I thought maybe I just needed to warm up a bit. Because sometimes the first 4-5 miles hurt but then my body figures it out.
I wanted to do 16, but by mile 6 it was clear to me that 16 miles would be near impossible. So I told myself that I’d turn around at mile 7 – my halfway point – and compromise with 14.
My legs were completely shot at the turnaround. Literally SHOT. It was like I was in a nightmare and someone was chasing me but I couldn’t will them to move faster.
Somehow I gritted my way to mile 10. And I stopped. And looking at my garmin, seeing my pace and time and distance on my watch made me want to cry. I had to do 4 more miles, and I didn’t know if I could. I didn’t have my cell phone with me, otherwise I’d have called Charlie Brown to come get me.
My only option was to walk. So that’s what I did.
I walked most of the 4 miles left home. I did jog a couple of times, and at the end told myself I’d run the last 1/4 mile downhill to my house, but I walked.
It was awful.
Because here I am, less than two weeks out from my first marathon. I often wonder if I actually have what it takes to run 26.2 miles. It just seems so DAUNTING, even knowing that I’ve done two 20 mile runs before.
It’s totally mental – a huge block for me. I’ve been thinking about running a marathon for more than ten years now. It’s on my Things I Have To Do Before I Die list.
And this whole training cycle, I’ve been focused on nailing the mileage on the piece of paper I have hung up at my desk. That’s my training program, and if I don’t do everything it says I’m going to blow it.
I know that’s not the way it works, and that my BODY is ready to run a marathon.
It’s the mind crap I need to get a hold on.
Because now the worries and anxiety are sky high. I had a great 20 mile run followed by an absolute crap 14 mile run. Race day could be the same. Then what am I going to do? Walk the entire marathon with my family there, watching me?
Gah. The pressure!
What I’m trying to do is look at Saturday’s run as a warning. I need rest.
And, you know. I got the bad run out of the way.
MUCH easier said than done.