This morning’s run was SO MUCH BETTER than Saturday’s, I very nearly cried with relief.
Whatever I did to piss off the running gods, let’s hope I don’t do it again in the next 11 days.
So yeah, okay, there MIGHT be a touch of putting-a-little-too-much-pressure-on-myself with this marathon thing
(You know, just a little.)
It’s just so BIG – this idea of running a marathon.
Because 11 years ago I decided that I was going to run the Mayor’s Midnight Sun Marathon in Anchorage, AK. I’m not sure what prompted me to decide that was my thing, given that I had never actually run before, but whatever. I was going to do it.
I think I managed 4 miles all at once, on a treadmill, before I succumbed to shin splints from ill-fitting shoes.
And that was the end of that.
What happened, though, was that “Run a Marathon” went onto a List.
In fact, it became the FIRST thing on my “Things I Need To Do Before I Die” list.
A winter of loss and emotional darkness last year made me realize that my time on this earth is actually FINITE.
It scares me a little, this realization. Not only am I not here forever, but in some inexplicable fashion, time has snapped me FORWARD, surging past me. 15 years has passed since I was in college, and it feels like it was only 5 years ago.
So yeah. This marathon is more than just a marathon to me.
It’s a big EFF YOU to Time and Loss and Death.
It’s proving that there are SOME things in this life where it’s still true that if I work hard, I will succeed.
It’s proving to myself.
I am strong.
I am capable.
So yeah, I overreacted and worried a bit too much about a bad run. And maybe my expectations are just a little too high for myself.
So here it is.
My goal for this race is to finish strong.
I don’t care if I walk. I have a time in mind for where I’d LIKE to be at the finish, but if I don’t manage that, I’ll be okay.
Either way? In 11 days, I’ll get to see what I’m made of.