The (New) Goal.

OhmyfreakingGODIAMRUNNINGAMARATHONTHISCOMINGWEEKEND!

Okay, thanks. Got that out.

Whew.

I’m at the anticipation-okay-mostly-freaking-out part of my taper. In like 5 and a half days, I’m going to run 26.2 miles.

You know, in daylight. In FRONT of people.

My usual race motto is to be anonymous. I can count on one hand the number of races I’ve done where my family has been there. And NOT my extended family.

Because, yeah. Not only will Charlie Brown and Lucky be there, but my sister, brother-in-law, uncle J, uncle P, aunt J, cousin T, and cousin E will be there. And that’s not counting the friends I’m hoping will come see me – Charlie Brown’s friend from high school and her partner, my friend from freshman year college and his wife and daughter.

And they’ll get to see me running 26.2 miles in all my sweaty nasty glory.

The good news?

I’ve actually let go of the idea that I have to finish in a certain time. If you know me? It’s HUGE. I’m Miss-I-Put-Really-High-Expectations-On-Myself.

I did it with my first half marathon. Within seconds of finishing, I wanted to cry because I finished 3 minutes slower than I wanted. And that night, I had signed up for the NEXT half, where I was going to kill it.

And that next half marathon? I was mostly happy with the time, but I had positive splits. And man, the next time? I’d REALLY kill it.

It’s a vicious cycle, and I really don’t want to repeat it here.

Because when it comes down to it, I’ve worked my butt off for the past 6 months getting ready to run this distance. I’ve gotten up at 4:30 for months in order to get my runs in. I’ve run in rain, wind, heat, humidity. I’ve had runs where I just couldn’t finish, and I’ve had runs where I think I can go forever.

Thing is. I don’t know if I’m ever going to run another marathon again.

I might cross the finish line and think “yeah, I did it. SO not for me!”

So when I run on Sunday, I want to ENJOY the whole atmosphere.

But mostly, I really, really want to savor finishing this marathon without feeling disappointed that I didn’t do it in the time I wanted to.

I want to cross that finish line and feel like all the time I’ve spent these past few months was WORTH it.

So being nervous about the whole race thing is silly, really. Because I know I can finish a marathon.

I can probably even run most, if not all, of the race.

I’m TOTALLY ready.