I am currently writing from our cabin in the lake.
I say “our” because it is the second year we’ve taken cabin 2 here on the lake; the second in a line of neat cabins tiny cottages right on Lake Winnepesaukee. We have been coming to the lake with Jeff’s family now for a number of years; we settled on coming back here when we discovered 4 years ago that sharing a house was too much; we all wanted our own space. Even though the furnishings are spartan, there are no good dishes with which to cook, and often we share our living space with ants and spiders, it’s one of my favorite places in the world.
My in-laws have been coming here for almost 40 years now.
Our days fall into this sort of rhythm: Jeff gets up early and goes out fishing on my father in law’s boat each morning, rain or shine. I have breakfast and coffee with Owen, who draws or plays with his cars (and now complains about “no TV!”). When Jeff gets back, after the fish are cleaned and he is eating breakfast, get change into my running gear and head to the state beach nearby; the site of a triathlon on the weekend we leave and a popular route for walkers and other joggers. I get to run along the water, the sun on my back and breeze in my face.
And every year, it’s here that I gain confidence in my running. It’s comfortable, exhilarating… Happy.
I run happy here.
Almost as soon as I hit “publish” on my post about the benefits of my career, I admit I was back to disliking accounting again. Mostly because I went back to work; I am now back to testing internal controls and commuting three hours a day and forcing deadlines to motivate myself to actually get something accomplished.
It’s easy to extoll the benefits of flexibility when you aren’t actually WORKING, you see.
Harder, then, to talk about flexibility when you need to be onsite and your client would rather do anything other than internals control testing and you are stuck trying to be nice when all you want to do is get stuff done so you don’t have to sit in traffic on the Tobin Bridge for hours.
It’s days like those where my commuting hours are spent trying to think my way into a new career. What WOULD I love doing? How can I get there?
What would be be like to do something I really liked, instead of trying to convince myself I like my job?
I think I have an idea of what I might want to do next. I have had this idea for a few weeks now – I have spent time researching and looking into what would take for me to move into this career. I’ve talked it over with Jeff, who has been very supportive. I’ve mentioned it to my best girlfriends, both of whom have talked me through the pros and cons.
I have mentioned it to others, too. And the general reaction has been, basically, to talk me out of it. Like I don’t know what a career change entails at almost 40. Like I haven’t considered fact that that ALL careers have pros and cons. Like I am the kind of person who changes my mind willy-nilly.
I have been an accountant for 10 years now. I have been trying to talk myself into LIKING accounting for nearly that many years as well.
All jobs have pros and cons. I know this. I don’t believe that there is the equivalent of a career soulmate out there for me; at least, not the kind where everything is perfect and I am blissfully happy forever and ever. I understand that I will make choices that affect my family if I decide to move on this idea I have.
And I confess that the idea of changing careers scares me a lot.
But so does the idea of spending the next ten years talking myself into liking my job in three hours of traffic, too.